So, here I am, it's 2am, and I can't fall asleep. I've spent the last two hours or so lying in bed twisting and turning on my dilapidated mattress that has an imprint in it the size of the Grand Canyon. Which reminds me I need to hit up my parents for a new mattress. If I'm lucky I'll be able to convince them to get me one of those really nice memory foam mattresses. I've been mentally racing this past couple hours for no apparent reason. Being that my friends are all asleep (lucky bastards), I have no one to rant to, and being that said friends all have Livejournals I figured "what the hell". I needed to get these thoughts out of my head somehow don't I? Well here it goes:

Being a teenage male I've been thinking about what most teenage males think about, women. There's this girl I've "hung out" with a few times, but there's nothing more offical then a hug yet. I do like her, she's a really cool person, but I think I'm too guarded now that I let myself get overly attached and then dropped within a week. Not to mention that last experiance (yes i realize it was pathetic on my part) hurt me more then it should have. Anyway, I've been thinking to myself about what to say to her, should I tell her how I feel? How I want to feel? She's an awesome person, and there could be a future since we want to go to the same college, but she's also a high school junoir, and my going away to Texas over the summer would mean that I'd have over a year in which I would not be able to see her face to face at all, and the last time I tried something long distance it not only ended, but it was messier then a Japanese XXX-rated movie (but not nearly as satisfying). I really do like her though, and we have an insane amount in common, I think that worse case-scenario she'd just be a good friend. Then there's this other girl who I've had a cursh on for some time, at least since I talked to her every morning in homeroom last year. We're still in the same homeroom but I don't get to sit next to her, and there fore am not as close. Well, she was single earlier in the year, and alothough I attempted to ask her out, she got back with her ex a week later, there fore killing all of my plans. This second girl is really nice and smoking hot (both of the girls I'm talking about are blonde bomb-shells), and lately she's been saying "hi" to me again. Yes I realize it's probably nothing, but I can't help but pay attention to it, I mean, I have had a bit of a crush on her for a while. I guess my main problem with women is that I'm way too timid. But I really don't want to mess things up with this new girl (henceforth known as space girl, she wants to go into aerospace engineer), and I do really want things to become what I guess would be called "offical' with space girl. I guess if all else fails I can try and get homeroom girl to break up with her long-time on-again-off-again boyfriend and go out with me. Then if that fails (which it will in all likelyhood do anyway), I can just start looking for girls at Embry-Riddle, I mean, it can't be that hard, it has a whopping 15% female population. >.< (Note: if either girls talked about read this and realize it's them, I really am just a confused little nerd with little experiance in the dating world, forgive my shortfalls) 

Hell, I've even been thinking about whether space-girl likes the my hair. Whether I should wear it up or down. Does she like the "three-day beard" look, or clean shaven. I honestly do love my new haricut, all that hair I use to have got in the way alot. It's alot easier to take care of, and everyone seems to like me with short hair. I do kinda miss my beard and mustache though. I don't really like shaving the areas where I used to have facial hair. Heck, the main reason I had said facial-hair was because I didn't like shaivng there, it's difficult and I can never get rid of that "5 o'clock shadow" completely. I also kinda miss playing with the hair on my chin though. But I really do look alot better without it. And now I'm getting repetitive. I blame my father for my ape-like hair growth qualities. I have to get rid of hair in places other then my face so as to not appear to far down the evolutionary ladder.

There's also the fact that I haven't done any of the research for the human rights project in English. I don't really want to, it's about the denial for the grant of poltical of asylum for refugees. I figured I do it on the Greeks and their denial of access to Afiricans, but hey, you can't blame them. There were so many political refugees that it threatened Greek culture apparently. I still should do some research to back this up. Or at least print out the sources that I found about 3 months ago to help my friend with his Model UN papers/propsals/whatever.  I'll probably just say that I was really busy this weekend. I mean hey, a mind splurge won't get rid of itself, and it's always healthy to talk about what ails you, right? Bringing me back to the calc quiz I have yet to do on account of it confusing the hell out of me at parts. God I need a good grade in that class, especially since it only counts for a college credit if I get an A, and I sure as hell don't want to have to take any class over again, especially something like a math class that would be utterly (hehe, I said "utter") repetitive. 

And then there's my going to college. I can't wait to get to ERAU, but I'm also a bit apprehencious about leaving the only life I have ever known, and living away from the family that has supported me my whole life. Though I know that I'll have a lot of fun at Embry with Nick, and possibly that girl I met over facebook who's going there next year too. Which reminds me that I'm still waiting to hear back from the Air Force on whether or not they gave me a scholarship, they supposedly had their meeting last week. This means that they've either decided that I'm so unworthy of a scholarship that they've decided to ignore me, or some postal worker lost it between his fat ass and the seat, and I'm sitting here at home anxious for something that'll never come. And if I don't get this scholarship, then I'll have to find some way to get massive amounts of cash, and graduate with as little debt as possible from a college that has the highest debt rate of any school in the nation. (Yee-ha) Then I also have to get my last letter of reccomendation from my teacher tomorrow so I can send in my application for the ERAU honors program. I highly doubt I'll get in since I haven't given one of my kidneys to a wino, but I figure I may as well try.

The most frivoulous thing keeping me up tonight is the subject of paintball, and be it my favorite sport, pales in comparison of importance to these other subjects. Not to mention that I have convinced myself to spend a couple more hundred dollars then I have already spent. My friend got this new paintball gun that is dead on accurate, which made me shit myself in glee that I could actually hit things with a paintball gun when I tried it out at the shooting range. I've decided I have to get that gun (Tippman Alpha-Black Tactical), then I'll have to get a remote system to go with it because I know that I don't want to have a big ass CO2 tank messing up my ability to look down the sites of the gun, and I've convinved myself I need another ghillie suit, only instead of woodland green or desert, I want a mossy oak one so I can blend in perfectly with my favorite paintball field. I figure if I sell my paintball gun on Ebay and advertise it as a sniper's Tippman 98c, I could get about $270 for it, especially with all the modifications I've made to it. Why do I do this to myself? Why can't I just forget about paintball? Because more addicting then crack cocaine or nicotine my friend. Not to mention just as expensive. Which is another problem since I don't have a job, but I really should get one, maybe at that Applebees down the street. But I digress, I've also decided that I need amber lenses for my mask. Now I really need that job. Looks like I'll be hitting up my bank account soon. But it's all worth it when you lie down on the field in a perfectly concealed spot and pick off the little people with well aimed shots as they scramble to find out where the hell you are.

Great, now there are all these little specs of dried something on my moniter that I should go clean off because everytime the text gets to a certain part of the screen it drives me and my little OCD ass fucking insane. Not to mention that I'm bored as hell, and still not able to sleep. But hell, I may as well go back to my most uncomforting mattress and once again try to sleep, I do have to wake up in 3.5 hours and then suffer through a 15 hour day. Looks like I'll be hitting the coffee.

I selfishly wish that one of my other friends was also having a fit of insomnia now, at least that way I'd have someone to talk to